


22 Leaf Street

by Asian_Aaron_Samuels



Category: Naruto
Genre: 21 Jump Street AU, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Ficlet, Gen, HashiMada, Humor, Implied Relationships, I’m so sorry about the format I’m doing on my phone at an IHOP during brunch, M/M, Uchiha Izuna-centric, no beta I die like Izuna—unprepared
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 21:21:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21595651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asian_Aaron_Samuels/pseuds/Asian_Aaron_Samuels
Summary: Who knew screwing a botany professor would be the difference between Madara having his balls attached to his body and not?Fun fact, wasn’t Madara.
Relationships: Senju Hashirama/Uchiha Madara
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38





	22 Leaf Street

**Author's Note:**

> It’s 2:52 AM, I’m in a hotel with my family, I’m too lazy to get ready for bed, I don’t feel like getting on my laptop, I have a slight cough, and 22 Jump Street is on TV. Happy Christopher Columbus Is a Murderer Day.

Izuna took the stairs two at a time to get to Captain Senju’s office, his partner and brother Madara followed him like he was trekking through quicksand.

Tobirama Senju was as intimidating as ever in his weird yet somehow impressive glass cube office. The Uchihas had written him off as a fucking weirdo with a hair trigger a long time ago.

Oh how right they were about that last part.

The two officers sat across from their superior, one of them more rigid than the others. Not that Tobirama wasn’t currently poised with both hands on his desk, back curved and legs positioned in a way that reminded Izuna of a mountain lion ready to leap.

Strange.

“Captain,” Izuna began, “we have new, vital information that will change this investigation, and-”

_Scriiitch!_

“And I’d like to point out that Madara has let me take point guard in-”

_Scriitch!_

Confused and mildly annoyed, the younger Uchiha turned to look at his brother.

“Aniki, are you wearing Kevlar?”

A _scriiitch_ was his only answer. Izuna opened his mouth to ask what was going on, but the man across from him beat him to the punch.

“Listen, Uchiha-”

Izuna really hoped he was talking about his brother.

“We’re not going to sit here and pretend as if there is no elephant in the room.”

Madara’s visible eye widened in horror—not that he didn’t look like he was going to jump out of his skin at the slightest _boo_ from their boss—and once more, Izuna started to ask what he wasn’t seeing. Of course, that just meant Tobirama, the bastard that he is, had to interrupt him by slamming a framed picture across from the two cops.

“What the fuck is going on?” Izuna whispered as he gave the picture a proper once over. It was just a picture of a man-no.

A picture of Hashirama.

Madara’s Hashirama- _no_.

 _Captain Senju’s_ Hashirama.

Within a second after processing this new, vital information, Izuna jumped out of his chair with a loud crow.

“HOLY SHIT! OH SHIT.” The shorter man grabbed onto Madara as laughter shook his body, the latter was as stiff as stone. “AAHHH, FUCK. NO! I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS.”

Izuna left the office, he abandoned his dear brother to a vengeful predator. He sped down the stairs and went straight for the group that had clustered at the bottom due to his shouting.

“GUYS. YOU HAVE TO KNOW. ANIKI’S FUCKING THE CAPTAIN’S BROTHER.” A wave of high fives followed.

No one imagined that Izuna was the human embodiment of schadenfreude, but hey, Madara and Tobirama didn’t think the “hot liberal arts professor” Madara performed various sex positions with and Tobirama actually applauded for having sex with was the captain’s beloved brother.

Small world. 

In the quite possibly glass tomb Madara’s dead body was going to be buried in, Tobirama’s ever present scowl managed to become even more severe. “Every time your brother says things of that nature, that’s another knife puncturing that vest down to your bones.”

The Uchiha gulped and prayed his father wasn’t going to yell at him in Heaven for fucking the wrong person. 

Izuna reappeared on the other side of the glass behind the white haired man, eyes still bright with utter delight.

“I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU. I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU. MADARA. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.” He turned away to grab onto the railing and jump rapidly. “MADARA’S FUCKING THE CAPTAIN’S BROTHER. AHAHAHA.” The dark haired cop let go of the rail to skip around the platform, waving his arms like they were boneless. He sang joyously. “MADARA FUCKED THE CAPTAIN’S BROTHER~. MADARA FUCKED THE CAPTAIN’S BROTHER~.”

Izuna finally returned and dropped down to his silent partner’s level. “SHIT. You fucked Captain Senju’s brother! You bragged about his brother sucking your dick! To his face!!! CAPTAIN.” He stood up and pointed at the stormy expression on the aforementioned man’s face. “You commended Aniki for getting laid after not getting any for a hundred years! And it was with your brother! The one you said practically raised you and your brothers! I can’t-this is-!!”

Tobirama pulled out his gun and set it down next to the picture of Hashirama.

Izuna quickly returned to his seat and curled into himself, his eyes were focused on the tip of his left shoe.

“It’s really not that funny…”

Madara cleared his throat. “If I may, Captain.. I think it’s odd how you neglected-no, not neglected. Um, fai-not that. Didn’t tell us that your brother taught at the university.”

“I think it’s odd how I haven’t shot your dick.”

“Captain, what if Aniki let you kick him in the balls really hard once?”

“No,” Tobirama replied in that tone that left no room for discussion, “I have something else in mind..”

Madara wasn’t sure if he was going to make it to his date later.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, my lovely little birdies! Happy Thanksgiving! I am so fucking tired, I need sleep, I have cooking to do—god bless make ahead dishes—and I’ve actually been pretty productive this month. Who knew a Channing Tatum movie would inspire nonsense? Not me. Well, scratch that, The Eagle is so fucking gay and people made some good fics for that.
> 
> Anyways, I just wanted to type out this quick thing. This will probably get posted today or the day after, it all depends on if I choose to edit it and how easy it is to tag fics on mobile. Oh well. Remember folks, Thanksgiving is not just a day to watch parades or gorge on food, it’s a day to spend with your loved ones and be grateful for what you have. That and the fact that indigenous women are getting raped and murdered on their own fucking reservations because white people can’t leave them the fuck alone, much like Columbus’s bitch ass. The takeaway from this is be good to your family and realize Native Americans deserve so much better than what they’ve gotten since a dipshit landed in the Bahamas. 
> 
> All my love,  
> Robin


End file.
